The holiday season is a time of year filled with polarities. On one hand, it can bring immense joy, and on the other it can bring immense stress. As the current year ends, it can be a time of celebration and reflection, or it can feel like a race to the finish line. Not to mention the added pressure of being ready to hit the ground running in the new year.
Just about every leader I’m working with today is struggling with the tug and pull of what feels like conflicting priorities. Many of my clients are placing most of their energy into their work and are often left feeling depleted of available energy to enjoy important things to them outside of work. The end-of-year obligations bring that to an entirely new level.
One of my clients said he’s already feeling stressed about the new year because when January comes it’ll be like being shot out of cannon. That feeling hangs over him and distracts him from being present and enjoying the time with family and friends. Another client recently shared she just feels “out of balance.”
It brings to mind James Howell’s proverb, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” While the saying might conjure the creepy role Jack Nicholson played in The Shining, it’s relevant to the topic of finding balance.
A lot has been researched and written over the years about work-life balance. Some might say the topic is overplayed. In my view, it’s actually underplayed and is an ever-relevant subject for many. There are no sweeping statements or one-size-fits-all solutions to help you or me feel a sense of balance.
In my own personal experience as a leader, parent, coach, mentor, and human, there are a few things I claim to be true about finding personal balance (during the holidays or anytime):
- Your sense of balance will likely be different from mine because a person’s sense of balance is as unique to them as their fingerprints.
- A sense of balance doesn’t mean equal time given to everything.
- Balance is a felt sense – there isn’t a magic number or equation that can be applied to help a person derive their own sense of balance.
I find that people often conflate balance with equal distribution. Maybe because the general definition of the word balance is: an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. A condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.
The notion of “even distribution” and “equal weight” doesn’t really hit the mark for me when it comes to personal balance. But the part that does apply is finding what keeps you “upright and steady” and finding the correct proportions – for you! That is what I see my clients on the quest for.
Here’s my belief: Balance lies in the desire of the beholder.
Like my clients, I too am on a regular quest to find my personal sense of balance. I can relate to the feeling my clients have – my work is never done and there is always more to do. All too often, I find people try to prioritize and rebalance based on their to-do list. I recommend considering balance through the lens of how you want to be – how you want to feel and show up, and what you want your relationship to be to the roles you play.
Here’s what I mean – I call this “Role Rejuvenator.” It’s simple yet powerful when done in a state of relaxed reflection. Write down all the roles you play either in work, life, or both. As an example, mine are spouse, mom, sister, daughter, coach, leader, employee, and peer. Then for each role, reflect on the following questions (Don’t overthink it!):
- What do I desire from this role? (Balance lies in the desire of the beholder!)
- What is important for me to contribute to this role?
- What is something I can let go of today as it relates to this role?
- What is it time for now in this role?
This reflection takes you from task level (your to-do list) to tuning into that felt sense of who you want to be in your life and relationships. When it comes to finding balance this season, try this on by thinking about what it’s time for now in the roles you play. You just might find a new insight that enables you to adjust and be able to give yourself more fully to what you care about.
To read more on the practice of balance, consider this supporting piece on Trimming Your List of Priorities to Strengthen Your Impact by @robinanselmi
